Personal discovery

Last night I made some deeper personal discoveries about myself and how I became the kind of person that I am today.

I gained a deeper understanding of why it is exactly that I have, for most of my life, had a fear of authority figures. I am still unraveling this piece of the tapestry that is my life so I can replace it with something more beautiful and productive, but great progress has been made already.

Let's walk back to my early childhood. I was a pretty typical kid, energetic and gregarious. My mother tells me that I was very sweet - before my brother "got ahold" of me. Is this the source of the problems I've had? I pose to you that it is not through any fault of my brother's that I became reclusive and shy. He was simply passing on to me what he himself had received, not understanding the complexity of that interaction and the emotional harm that it would cause.

So, where did my shyness come from? Was it from my second-grade teacher who told me on my first semester report card that I "socialized too much in class" and then, at the end of the year wrote on my report card "I can't get Charles to say a word in class"? I believe this was just third-party verification of something I had interpreted as a fact from my upbringing: adults aren't interested to hear what I have to say, and they want me to sit quietly or I will be punished.

How did I come to accept this mistaken belief? Routine spankings. Corporal punishment. I received harsh spankings no less than once per week during my childhood. Many times there was no infraction committed aside from me being glad that it was my brother finally being punished for something he had done. Yes, this also merited a spanking.

I'm sure someone out there is thinking "So you got spanked. So what? You probably deserved it." Please allow me to relate to you an experience I had last night. I was talking with my lovely, wonderful wife about this self-same subject and I picked up an empty cardboard box from the floor. I told her to watch carefully, because this is the way I got spanked as a child. She was dumbfounded and horrified at the way I forcefully flailed my open palm into the side of the box. She noted that the box, after my beating, was completely malformed. If this is what happens to a piece of cardboard when you beat it, how much more damaging is it for a child to routinely receive this as a punishment on his or her backside?

There were many times when I would try to defend myself by covering my bottom with my hands. The result? A spanking twice as hard and twice as long. This led to me hiding under my bed. I was always found there and forcibly dragged out to receive my beating. Ok, so hiding under the bed is no good. I'll hide in the closet. Oh, you found me there too? It just makes you more angry when I hide? Extended beating. Please also bear in mind that before and after the spanking, there was no discussion. Here comes dad into my room to give me a beating and then promptly leave again. It is this severity that led me to have feelings of low self-worth, always trying to prove myself by academic excellence. That never stopped the beatings.

After demonstrating to Faythe what the typical spanking was like for me as a child, I had the most sickening and disgusted feeling with myself. I found it to be an emotionally damaging experience.

What I don't want you to take away from this story is any implication that I do not love my parents. I love my parents very much and I forgive my father for all of the beatings. He did not understand what impact they would have on my growth and development. I have recognized that these incidents are the fuel that I have used to stoke the flames of my bad temper and my rage. So, I am cleaning up my life and removing that fuel source. I will no longer let these ghosts of my past rule over who I am and will become. I will instead always strive to shower my child or children (someday!) with all of the love, affection, acknowledgement, and understanding that they need to become whole, healthy adults. It is my promise to myself not to pass on this legacy of violence.

Why Star Trek is Great

I know this isn't typical of my other posts, but it's good to branch out and explore other areas. For example, a short article about why I like Star Trek.

First, it's sci-fi. I don't really care if the science involved isn't sound. A lot of it probably isn't, but I can't say with certainty that none of it is. My experience is far too limited for that. Storylines? Some of them are thin and tenuous at best. Don't even get me started on some of the Star Trek movies! The first one is one of the most fetid pieces I have seen in recent history. There's so little material there, I doubt they could find enough to riff on over at RiffTrax. I'm serious, it is a major stink heap. Most of the dialog in the movie consists of orders being issued and followed out. Dull, inane, and boring. A major snore, and it was far too long! And who needs to see another episode of Captain Kirk chasing after some new scantily clad woman? I'm sure his conquests must be in violation of the Prime Directive, which is not to interfere with life on other planets. Or am I getting confused here and thinking of Star Ocean? The line blurs somewhere for me there.

So, are you still with me? After all, you just read several things that are certainly weak points in both the television series and the movies. Here it is, what I love about Star Trek: it's about peace and harmony not only within the human race, but among a very diverse plethora of interstellar species. A very progressive idea indeed! It seems we have difficulty achieving tolerance towards people whom we don't agree with, let alone peace on a planetary scale. This is pretty awesome stuff. I know, I know, the Federation is a military outfit. I think we can forgive them for being the galactic police, except with the decisions are entirely political and not to everyone's best benefit.

So, why is Star Trek great? It's about people. It's about peace. It's about harmony. It's about reaching out to other civilizations with an open hand extended in friendship. It's about doing away with exploitation.

And of course, having been a computer geek for far too long, my favorite character is Data from The Next Generation. I think it's his wonderment - if you can call it that - of the human race, which is is designed to emulate, that speaks to me. There's so much purity to his character, it is endearing. It's also interesting to note his desire to feel what a human feels. It's almost like a poetry.

So there you have it, a few reasons why I like Star Trek.

Mega Update - 30 day Vegetarian trial post-mortem, miscellaneous updates

It's been quite some time since I've updated my blog. I apologize for my lack of updates. It's been a very busy couple of weeks - I have some major projects going on at work which have rigid deadlines.

Right now, I'm comfortably lounging on my couch while my wife is busy exercising to EA Active. It's a lot of fun and it keeps you from getting bored by varying the routine. You can also customize your workout. It's nice to see a workout program that doesn't emphasize what your weight on the scale is. Instead, it keeps an eye towards building your fitness. Focus on the keyword "building" - it doesn't start you out in a Biggest Loser-style kick-your-butt-to-Mars workout pattern. You slowly progress to more demanding exercises.

My status update for my 30 day Vegetarian trial is also overdue. For that I apologize as well. I did very well with the trial and I am planning on continuing with Vegetarian lifestyle. The major obstacle has been divining the inspiration for preparing varied meals. I haven't quite found my menu planning groove yet, but I'm getting there. A major difficulty I am running into is what I can only interpret as a lack of adventurousness in the kitchen. I look at the fruits and vegetables in the fridge, then I look at the beans, rice, and canned goods in the pantry and I find myself wondering what I can prepare with those ingredients. Infrequenty, I am overwhelmed with several ideas, none of which has an evident appeal over any other. This greatly adds to the complexity of meal time. If anyone has a strategy they use for planning meals, I would love to hear about it.

This brings me to another object of contention. Tofu. It is so insanely flexible, promising and endless array of possibilities. So what is my problem with it? I have not mastered the block of bean curd. I learned a decent method of draining the block of tofu from VeganYumYum (a blog I follow) which involves wrapping the tofu in a couple of layers of paper towel and then in a terrycloth, and THEN placing a heavy object like a cast iron skillet on top for 15 minutes or so.

Treating the tofu in this way yielded better results than what I did the first couple of times I handled the curd; I just wrapped it in paper towels and pressed it by hand. Not terribly efficient. Like I said, I am a total tofu n00b. If anyone has tried and true methods for draining and seasoning tofu, I would be most grateful to hear about them.

I also recently acquired a Chicago Cutlery santoku for $15 at Wal-Mart. Oh marvel of marvels! I never knew slicing and dicing could be so miraculously easy. I always watched the way hibachi chefs sliced through steaks like they were warm sticks of butter and having a sense of awe come over me. Now I have that same sense of awe as I watch the blade pass through the object of my cutting like silk. Pure delight. That was, of course, until I foolishly tried to use the santoku to cut the stem off of a tomato using it like a pearing knife.

Big mistake.

The knife glided its way through the flesh of the tomato and into the flesh of my thumb. Fantastic, clean cut. It was such a clean cut that it soaked through two layers of bandages within seconds so I had to be find something to use as a styptic. Yahoo answers to the rescue! I found a post by a veterinary assistant suggesting that corn starch will do in a pinch. It worked like a charm. I am pleased to say that the cut has healed nicely.

I'm glad I took the time to make this update, and I am glad you took the time to read it.

Until next time,
Charles

Five things I am grateful for today

"We are hardly ever grateful for a fine clock or watch when it goes right, and we pay attention to it only when it falters, for then we are caught by surprise. It ought to be the other way about."
-- Philip Dormer Stanhope

I am making a point of recognizing things to be grateful for in my daily life. Today, these are some things that I am grateful for:

I have employment that brings the necessary finances for the things that my family needs
I am grateful for window glass, so I can see outside without exposure to harsh elements
I have fresh drinking water to nourish my body
I have this computer to use to share these things
God has ranted me with a marvelous and wondrous body

When I approach life with gratitude - deep, heart-felt gratitude - it is so much sweeter and richer.

Peace and love,
Charles

The Relationship Between Happiness and Beliefs

It's funny that I would read this article only a couple of hours after finishing my previous entry. Very nicely aligned.

The Relationship Between Happiness and Beliefs

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Attitude of Gratitude

I believe that being grateful for all of the things in our lives, be they great or small, widens the channels that more blessings are sent to us through. By being grateful we allow ourselves to receive more to be grateful for.

At this minute, here are the first five things that come to mind that I am grateful for:

1) I have a loving wife
2) I have an awesome son
3) I have a good roof over my head
4) The rain is bringing more life to my surroundings, and with it, more fresh air
5) I have a tranquil little fountain on my desk; it has a small zen garden that I like to gaze into from time to time

If we are not grateful for the things that we have in our lives, how can we consider ourselves deserving of receiving more? I encourage you to think for a moment and genuinely be grateful for the blessings in your life, great or small. I challenge you to start off every day by thinking about the things you count as blessings. Develop an attitude of gratitude.

I am grateful that you are here reading this message right now, and I am grateful for anyone that I have inspired to in turn be grateful.

You are welcome to reply to this post with the things you are grafetul for.

With love and gratitude,
Charles

Vegetarian Tasty Bean Burrito recipe

I dashed this one off at lunch today because I was hungry and it sounded good. The veggies come out with a delicious sweet flavor, owing to the use of a sweet onion and a well-ripened green bell pepper. In all, this is a well balanced meal. Hearty and satisfying.

Tasty Bean Burrito:

1 can Old El Paso vegetarian refried beans
1 vine ripened tomato
1 well-ripened green bell pepper (should start turning orange)
1/2 sweet yellow onion
2 Tbsp olive oil (for sautee)
4 of your favorite tortillas (I used Mission Life Balance whole wheat)
dried cilantro
dried powdered cumin
dried basil
dried parsley flakes
Tostitos salsa con queso, to taste (optional)
Low-fat plain yogurt, to taste (optional)

Directions:
Dice the tomatoes and combine the dice with basil, cilantro, and parsley in a small bowl. Set aside.

Chop the onion and set aside. Cut pepper into slices, removing pulpy white inside and seeds. Cut slices in half. Set aside.

Heat olive oil in a sautee pan on medium heat. Add onion and pepper chunks to pan. Sautee until onions are nearly translucent. Remove from heat.

Heat tortillas in a large skillet until warmed.

Heat the refried beans in a microwave-safe container for one minute on high. Mix in cilantro and cumin to taste, return to microwave for another minute on high. Stir mixture thoroughly.

Serve prepared bean burritos or, if you prefer, serve family style from your favorite decorative dishes. Sure to please the family!

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This recipe © 2009 Charles Scheidecker